Saturday, October 29, 2005
Learning to Love Clones
In The Bride (1985), Dr. Frankenstein once again creates a wife for his monster. This time the bride is Jennifer Beals. It doesn’t take long for Frankie to decide to keep her for himself. Forget about the monster. Well, I’ve been thinking, maybe I’ve been too critical of genetic engineering. If they could make a clone of Jennifer Beals or Cheryl Tiegs or Kathy Ireland, and if they could make them to order, now that would be a technology I could support. I would write letters to my congressman and to the FDA urging them to pass this sort of cloning legislation. I would sign petitions, write newsletters, start websites. I think this is where the focus of our research should be. Cloning infants for childless couples is OK, but just think about the money you could shake loose from some rich old men if you could offer them a clone of Heather Graham. Talk about redistributing the wealth, why this might be better than the death tax, and it might even hasten the departure of some of those old geezers. Why clone Dolly the sheep when you could clone Dolly Parton?
But who knows, maybe that’s where the research is headed anyway. And who knows, maybe they have to stick needles in rat penises in order to develop the technology to clone Heather Graham. Maybe all this biotechnology is a matter of the ends justifying the means. If that’s the case, then I probably need to change my attitude. My only regret is that this didn’t come along sooner. Like any new technology it’s going to take awhile for the price to come down. Furthermore, if they were to clone Heather Graham tomorrow, I’d have to wait at least eighteen years for her to grow up. By that time she’d always think of me as a grandfather type, and I’d be too old to fully enjoy my investment.
Oh well, as Gilda Radner used to say, it’s always something.
May 2001
But who knows, maybe that’s where the research is headed anyway. And who knows, maybe they have to stick needles in rat penises in order to develop the technology to clone Heather Graham. Maybe all this biotechnology is a matter of the ends justifying the means. If that’s the case, then I probably need to change my attitude. My only regret is that this didn’t come along sooner. Like any new technology it’s going to take awhile for the price to come down. Furthermore, if they were to clone Heather Graham tomorrow, I’d have to wait at least eighteen years for her to grow up. By that time she’d always think of me as a grandfather type, and I’d be too old to fully enjoy my investment.
Oh well, as Gilda Radner used to say, it’s always something.
May 2001
