Saturday, October 29, 2005

The Rat Penis

Who likes to watch those Viagra commercials on TV? I always change the channel. I figure, if I ever need any help in that area, I can always ask for it. Until then, the least attention paid to that the better. Thinking about some things can cause more harm than good.

There was a story on the evening news recently about a product from Sweden called Niagara, a bottled drink that many people consider to be an aphrodisiac. A company in Little Rock, Arkansas has obtained exclusive rights to distribute the drink in this country. Women are the main customers who buy the product. Well, as they said in the 60s, whatever turns you on . . . .

Scientists continue working on therapies to eliminate Erectile Dysfunction (ED) in men. I guess Viagra isn’t good enough, so they have to keep looking. Maybe they have to use up grant money. Maybe the companies that don’t have a product to treat ED are envious. I’m sure there’s a lot of money to be made in this field.

A major study involving ED uses rats as their test subjects. They have discovered a gene that opens blood vessels. Of course, good blood flow means healthy erections, right? They inject this gene into the penis of an older rat (I can’t believe I’m writing about this) and voila, he gets a normal erection. Also, the treatment seems to last for thirty days.

Now hold on. First, I can’t believe there are people out there who are handling rat penises all day, testing them to see if they’re hard enough, comparing data. There must be a lot of money in this because you couldn’t pay me enough to do this day in and day out. Furthermore, what kind of person enjoys sticking needles in rat penises all day anyway?

If this works in rats, then the next step, I suppose, is to start giving these injections to humans. I, for one, do not want anyone sticking a needle in my penis. And once a month would be too often to suit me. Also, it looks like this therapy involves injecting a genetically engineered cold virus containing the desired gene. Are they serious? I love the way these scientists play around with all these viruses and assume that there will be no consequences. Also, I love the way they design these procedures to perform on other people. Anyone want to volunteer to have a genetically engineered cold virus injected into their penis with a needle? I can’t get over it.

I’m glad they’ve solved the burning question of how to cure ED in rats. If they don’t get to use this on people, at least some lucky rodents can benefit from all this research. They can’t even refuse treatment, and they can’t sue you if something goes wrong.
April 2001

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